my brother

i turned 36 yesterday
i just wanted a quiet
birthday, dinner with a few friends
4 a few days i have had this lump
in my throat, stress, anxiety
being tired, pms what the fuck
ever...

parker is hilarious right now
he keeps me going, getting up
but i wish i could get a nap more or
clean the house but i would rather
play with him when i get home...
he is the only kid i know
or have heard of who smiles non-stop
to the point where i have to get mad
at him so i can get a serious
passport photo

i got laid off today and hopefully i
will re-apply and get my job back
or A JOB
but it's STRESSFUL when i want to be
independent and care for my son
it's my worst fear not being able
to provide for him

my brother jeff is coming
so are my parents but
he is the one who makes me laugh
and it couldn't be at a better time

i have worked at a job since
i was 14 years old
as much as my job can be challenging
i love it and to imagine how
others feel when they have families
and no job is unfathomable

i am not depressed
i am just scared
and very worried
and wishing tonight
things were just a bit
more upbeat it's hard
to stay strong
when the politics
of work, layoffs &
economy almost
suffocate u

thank fuck
for my funny
brother who
arrives
thursday.